I am not sure why I am writing this. For the first time, I am writing an article inspired by negative affair.
The dust has not settled after Tiger Woods, the best golfer in the world was caught with his trousers below the knees.
Ashley cole, one of the best left backs in the world of football is again on the microscope lens. The lens has magnified his unfaithfulness.
The above two celebrities had some of the biggest and extravagant wedding ceremonies ever witnessed in the world.
Actually, the OK! Magazine had sole rights to cover Ashley’s wedding for 1.5M pounds.
The question is: What is important, big wedding ceremony or happy life-after?
I have to express my opinion in this one. I am a married man and would categorically say that I prefer happy-life-after than a big wedding ceremony.
However, this is not the case in reality.
Many couples are going out of the way to plan, re-plan, take loans, organize pre-weddings, book exotic honey moon locations, buy expensive costumes for the big day…..but they forget to plan for the life-after.
Why couples hold extravagant wedding ceremonies but forget about life-after
- Many think that this is one of the big stages in life after birthday. This is the mentality many of us have inherited from generations. Therefore, there is a general misleading feeling that, wedding ceremony should be big, expensive and a display of opulence.
- There is another category of couples who feel they have to outdo their predecessors, relatives and colleagues in the size of their wedding ceremony. This category is viewing wedding ceremony as a safari rally. They fail to realize that life is not a competition and will never be.
The couples in this category sometimes find themselves engulfed with debts after the wedding.
- The third grouping of couples is which is more concerned with public opinion. This grouping wants to display all kind of opulence to the public so that they receive recognition.
This category forget to know that life-after is a personal journal away from public eye.
The Dilemma
Ask many married couples, me included and they will tell you one strange thing: After the wedding ceremony, nobody cares what you do with your life.
Before and during the wedding, you have many friends and advisors. However, after the wedding, I don’t know what happens. I leave this for you to figure out.
After the wedding it’s a personal journey.
The couple is the driver, co-driver, side-mirror, back-view mirror and the mechanic.
This is what many married men do not figure out. It takes atleast 3 years for some to realize that their mum is no longer near to tell them to avoid girls with short skirts and long legs.
This category of men is where Ashley and Tiger Woods fall.
The way out
There are many firms to help couples organize for their wedding ceremony. Some are catering, florists or venue organizers.
However, there are very few firms to guide couples after the wedding.
If there are organizations or experts to help couples, they are considered as counselors.
Approaching a marriage counselor is also held with a lot of stigma. Many couples feel it is a taboo to approach a marriage counselor. This thinking is wrong, outdated and primitive.
Many couples seek help from marriage counselors very late, when their marriage is in rocks.
Tiger Woods did not want to face his weakness and get advice. However, after messing with all girls in the street and soiling his name, he had to sit down with the counselor.
Therefore, as they say: prevention is better than cure.
Other ways to get help
Read books on relationship by authors like
- Dr. John Gray such Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
-Zig Zigler such as Courtship after Marriage
Watch TV programs such as Oprah show.
Attend conferences and workshops on marriage.
Husbands and wives should have holidays and main outings together not separately.
Personal opinion
It is high time that couples who want to tie the knot draw a concrete plan for at least five years in advance.
I know people plan holidays or careers but they forget to plan for the life-after wedding.
Happy life-after wedding is far much rewarding than a big wedding ceremony.
Related posts:
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
this is a good article. Its an eye open to those who are not married and to those who are planning to get married, and again to the married n newly wedded couple, its not late for them to change.
May the Lord God Almighty add knowledge and wisdom to speak to people through such article.
God bless.
Good work.keep up
Great post, reflection for all couples. After the wedding the most important thing is to keep the marriage the priority! For a little help and inspiration keep a copy of “A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage” (Boston Globe #1 pick) by your bedside!
Thanks Sharongilo, I have not yet read that guide, I will make sure I add it to my library. Again thanks
Thanks for the advice.
You are welcome Naomi.
Now am ready 2 mary.where is my rib
Evans, I am sure you know what to do to find your rib. Happy hunting.
that a nc advice
Thanks Jedidah.
This is a good reflection of realities of a big exploitive business wedding have become. It is a good attempt to set agenda for prioritization life demands on the basis of their utility. This an articulate one thanks
Thanks Japhet. I think wedding business is exploitative if you are ready and willing to be exploited. Otherwise it is the hightime couples prioritise what is important.
I CONCUR BRO…The most crucial unit of the society is under attack…we need to kip this in mind. thankyou
I agree Steve, marriage is under attack. But, is it possible for us couples to guarantee good security to the union?
It’s nice to be with your memorable moments, experience…your suggestions..It’s all realistic..
Ooh my God!am not married bt guess what av learnt alot.u can make a gud auther. Great ideas. keep it up!
It is good to hear that Lenah you have learnt something. Soon you will join the club. By the way, it will not be long from now.
Man u rely gat me thnking, but 2 ask, whats wrong with a 1 nyt with an x who u don hav any strings anymo n ths act wil not afect ua comitment 2 ua mariage? By thway, hav u known tht most men with al their mipango ya kando don love ths mipango as their wives.
Thanks Kennedy, I am reluctant to answer your question since it seem to out of the scope of this specific article. All in all, I guess it is possible to figure out the correct answer if you take time to meditate on the question and enquire from your inner self.
I’m a senior bachelor, and this problaly is what we term as the last/ final lectures of the course. rtuly Mr. Arimi Sir, this is timely and since i’m in the midst of transition to marriage life, i have good lecture notes to reffer to.
Keep it sir and God bless in plenty!!!!
Hi Sir, I do not think you are late. Join the club, we will be very happy and willing to welcome you wholeheartedly.
That advise could not have cum at a better time than this, when many marriages are in the rock due to unfaithfulness among partners- i like it it has ministered to me
Thanks Wilson.
If you like this post, read my other articles at http://www.changeyourt.com. Also you can subscribe on top left corner after clicking on http://www.changeyourt.com to receive similar articles straight in your email inbox.