Photo by Eunice
1. Accept what is
In life accept situations and experiences the way they are without asking questions, complaining, blaming, pointing fingers or arguing.
Let say you are going to work very early in the morning and you are caught in a traffic jam. The clock is ticking. You are sure you will be late. What do you do?
Do not panic, do not worry, do not imagine what will the boss say, do not hate yourself for being late, do not accuse the bus/matatu driver, do not hate the government for the bad roads, do not blame the condition of the vehicle – simply accept that you are late. Take the responsibility fully. Relax and ride peacefully to work.
You will handle what transpires once you get to work.
I have applied this principle several times and it works wonders.
Before learning this trick I could fret when caught up in traffic or late for work. My worrying and panicking never solved my lateness. It only increased my heart beat and irritability-which are all vices.
One day I was panicking that I was late for a meeting. Only to get to the venue and find a note saying the meeting was cancelled. Once again I fumed for cancellation of the meeting without notice.
I asked myself why was I panicking, why was I worrying, why was I fretting.
Relax and have peace of mind. Simply accept the situation the way it is if you can not change it.
This can apply to different aspects of life. Accept your husband/wife, accept your kid, and accept your mother-in-law. Never try to change them, accept them the way they are and you will have the peaceful mind ever.
2. Do not make assumptions
One sure way to have peace of mind especially in relationship is NEVER MAKE ASSUMPTIONS.
Imagine these scenarios:
-A wife sees her husband laughing with a colleague and imagines he is having an affair.
-A boyfriend sees his girlfriend having lunch with Mr X and thinks they are lovers.
-You see workmates laughing and you imagine they are laughing at you.
-You come home and find your husband reading a newspaper, and he fails to acknowledge your presence then you think he does not love you.
-Your wife/partner is late and you assume she is out with Mr. Y.
These and other assumptions will hurt you to the core. Most of the time they are unfounded, unwarranted, untrue and just what they are – evil assumptions.
If you want peace of mind never make assumptions especially in relationships. If you doubt something, ask or discuss it, and believe the answer. Make sure you don’t assume the answer is also a lie. If further assume that the answer is untrue, this will create further turmoil in your mind
3. Avoids watching TV news
I know many will not agree with me. But out of experience most of the TV news are negative.
Most of the news have to be bad to be called news. Sometimes TV news are lies, propaganda and basically untrue.
After watching news you are left feeling emotionally unsettled. You feel you have to blame that politician for what he said. You feel government is treating you unfairly etc.
By the way, if you did not watch those news, those feelings would not come up. You could be peaceful, probably playing with your kid or doing something else more productive.
Where I live, most of the time Africans are portrayed in TV as criminals, stupidest species on the face of earth, war ravaged society, disease infested etc. I am an African and I know pretty well these are completely untrue.
Most people can remember the images of Africans that were flashed on TVs during the Katrina.
This used to drive me crazy. So I opted to limit what I watch on TV. By doing so, I gained great peace mind.
A more pragmatic way of having peace of mind is to watch the news but do your own research. When you do your own research you know the truth. This allows you to have rational view of the news. But NEVER TAKE TV NEWS AS THE GOSPEL TRUTH.
4. Avoid asking or monitoring what others are doing
You already know what I am talking about. You have those colleagues who have to ask what so and so is doing. They have to look at your computer screen to make sure they know what you are doing. They have to ask you what you will do over the weekend. They have too ask you how Tom/Dick treats you.
If you want peace of mind, mind your own business. Stop looking over your shoulders to see what others are doing.
Do not think others will defeat you in life if you don’t know what they are doing. Life is not a Safari rally.
To have the tranquillity that bible talks about stop comparing your self with others. Stop scrutinisng to know their bank-account balance. You will die of heart attack.
5. Never listen to phone conversations
Unless you work for crime prevention unit do not tap or listen to phone conversations.
You have seen them, when you are talking on phone they stand close by to listen to the conversation. This shows they are very insecure.
Avoid listening to other people’s phone conversations, whether landline or mobile phones.
6. Avoid monitoring what your partner does on computer
If you have a partner, don’t be nosy. Avoid prying what he/she is doing on the internet. If he/she is your spouse trust each other. If you feel insecure discuss the issue but don’t lose sleep monitoring their activities on internet.
Build trust instead of insecurity. I am not advocating for messing around on the internet. Building confidence in each other avoids your partner from dying of ulcers over the time you spend on the internet.
Facebook is one the social networking site that most people are using these days. Avoid close supervision of your partner.
7. Never bother what your partner does with mobile phone
Again this is a bad habit of scrolling your partner’s phones every night after they fall asleep.
Trust them and you will have peaceful love-life.
If you feel unsatisfied with how they use their phones discuss the issue. Again do not imagine things or make up claims.
8. Avoid certain TV programmes
There is nothing wrong or right in watching TV. If you are strong enough, fine, watch anything but for most of us we need restrain.
Watching certain TV programmes will deal a great blow to your self-esteem.
Watching models on TV leaves you feeling ugly, unattractive, fat, shapeless etc.
To avoid feeling like this, why not stop watching these programmes. I know it is not easy but with practice you can.
9. Avoid reading certain magazines
Tabloids magazines are always flashy with super looking women.
Gutter press is filled with sensational material.
Some internet sites are filled with vile writings.
Reading some or all these material will drive your feelings and emotions red hot. Sometimes these feelings and emotions are negative, sense of inadequacy, sense of unworthiness, sense of inferiority and to the extreme tribal or race tensions..
The easiest way to avoid these feelings is to shun them and shun them completely. Do not avoid them in public only to read them in your closet. Avoid them like plague.
10. Appreciate what you have
Finally, to be at peace with yourself, appreciate what you have. Appreciate your shape. Appreciate your looks. Appreciate your age. Appreciate your level of education, appreciate your colour of skin, appreciate your hair etc.
Appreciate the way you look in that photo. I know many people will always find some fault in any of their photo. Avoid this!
Appreciate the way you are and believe in yourself.
By the way I am not advocating for mediocrity here. Improve where necessary but don’t be over critical.
I know people who have never accepted themselves. They always say, my hands are like this or that. My nose is like this.
Please, please, avoid this way of thinking and appreciate yourself. Thank God for whom you are and you will have a peaceful mind.
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Disclaimer: These constitutes my opinions. They should by no means be used as a substitute to approved medical treatment.
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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
This is realy aspirational.I like it .Its totally true.
Thanks .
Keep up the Good Work.
A really great composition.
a good one.
wow thanks for the great inspiration… i should stop complaining
@ Gacheri, Thanks, subscribe at http://www.changeyourt.com and get similar articles straight in your email.
@ Kinyua, Thanks
@ Jackline, You are welcome. Subscribe and you will get such articles straight in your email
@Mwangi, Thanks. Good to hear you apply most of the ideas.
@ Mawira, Thats very good, one step at a time.
@Lydia, Thanks
@ Mwaboza, asante sana Mkubwa
Wow!dat a great one!more pliz
Very well put
I Quit complaining.Good recipe in our 2day life.
nice one, on point
nice one, on point
what a great piece bro
Tat grit.thnx alt
Very Good and Practical,… I apply most of them. Good work Arimi